90% of the parents are doing the six most destructive behaviors for their children.

one netizen said that many parents are full of love, but their faces are ferocious.

how many parents, in the name of love, unwittingly leave their children black and blue.

01

nagging, cutting off the patience of children

I often hear some parents complain and say it many times, but the children just don't listen.

in the process of growing up, children do have all kinds of problems and make all kinds of mistakes, such as

in order to help their children correct their bad habits, parents are like playing football. "nagging" after their children:

accompany them to do their homework and stare at them to write every word; urge them to hurry up, they will be late Remind them to wash their hands.

as a result, it often gets worse.

instead of getting better and better as we expected, the parent-child relationship is in trouble.

they begin to hate their parents' presence, and they will use their little strength to fight against their parents.

when you do anything, you start to be impatient; if you have a little difficulty, you get restless, or you give up easily.

in psychology, there is a concept called "out-of-limit effect", which refers to the psychological phenomenon that people are extremely impatient or rebellious because of too much stimulation, too strong or acting for too long.

parents'"nagging", children may listen to it at first, but after a long time, they will get bored. This is the reason.

Socrates said:

the eyes are the windows of the soul. Parents who are good at seeing their children are better able to listen to their children, and it is easier to get their children's support than to tell them.

good parents, who don't say much, listen, and leave the opportunity to grow up for their children to judge.

02

in Juvenile Shuo, a boy said:

in fact, the boy himself is a "high achiever".

at that time, the mother responded:

the boy cried aggrieved:

it is conceivable how long the child was held back under the crowd, shed tears uncontrollably, and issued such a feeble complaint to his mother.

psychologist Dr. Susan Foward wrote in "poisoned parents"

"No child is willing to admit that he is worse than others. They want to be affirmed by adults. Their understanding of themselves often comes from adult evaluation.

people who are often hit by their parents are often prone to self-abasement, fall into feelings of self-doubt and self-denial, and, in serious cases, suffer from mental illness, leading to many extreme behaviors. "

and many parents always fall into the misunderstanding that if they make their children sad, their children will fight back.

in fact, it is often the positive encouragement that really motivates a person to get better and better.

long-term "being compared" arouses not the courage to move forward, but the psychological cues of "I can't" and "I don't deserve to be praised."

A child's self-confidence will slip away day after day.

every child is unique, and each child has his own unique advantages.

Smart parents know how to balance their children's weaknesses with their strengths, and use their strengths to enhance their self-confidence so as to stimulate their internal motivation.

03

cut off the child's self-esteem

read a news item:

No one would have thought that a woman is a girl's mother.

hitting a child is like hitting an enemy.

and the reason why she beat her child is that when the child went to a classmate's house in the same building to play, she called home several times for lunch, but the child did not want to go back.

it is undeniable that every day, children have countless ways to make parents so angry that they want to put it back into their belly. "beating and scolding" may be the quickest, but it is also a sign of parents' powerlessness and impatience in educating their children.

but hitting the child does not play an educational role at all, it will only hurt the child, causing the child to have antisocial behavior, aggression, and mental health problems.

the child may be afraid or obedient after a beating, but that's all.

what a child obeys is that his parents are stronger than his body; what he is afraid of is the ferocious appearance of his parents when they hit their children.

visible scars will heal sooner or later, but spiritual wounds will sprout.

there are no children with poor education, only parents who do not understand education.

Real education should be based on respect.

A child who is not respected has no self-esteem.

all parents should understand that the results of "fighting" are always temporary, and only by giving their children respect and self-respect is a successful education.

04

ignore, cut off the child's sense of security

in the recent hit drama "the Hidden Corner", Zhu Chaoyang was originally a proper "child of another family".

excellent grades, stable and sensible, and respect for parents.

however, in the end, it went black.

one of the important reasons is the parents' neglect and suspicion.

his father is always in the clouds to him.

his son won the first place, and he was the last to know; in front of his current wife and daughter, he left his son on the sidelines and fled to follow them.

as for her mother, Zhou Chunhong, she seems to be calm every day, always looking kind, and taking good care of him.But never knew that he had been bullied at school.

she doesn't know that a son needs a friend and a father.

she turned a blind eye to all this and only asked her child to be the child she wanted according to her requirements and patterns.

the child clearly understands that the mother needs to be loved and needs a partner, but she gives up a good relationship for the sake of the child, but blames the child for "knowing nothing".

the needs can not be met by their parents, their emotions can not get their attention, and he understands his mother's heart and is suspicious of being a scum.

there is a kind of children who are not short of food and clothing from an early age, but are hungry for a long time.

Zhu Chaoyang looks excellent in grades, sensible and quiet. In fact, he is full of fear and fear, without the slightest sense of security, so that he can confirm and believe that his parents really love him.

the most terrible violence is often invisible.

We can try our best to give our children as good material conditions as possible, but ignore that what a child really craves is often the companionship, understanding, sight and support of his parents, and spiritual satisfaction is much more important than material acquisition.

if you love your child, please squat down, take off your parents' cloak, observe the world from the child's point of view, understand the reasons behind your child's behavior, and grow up with your child.

05

language harm, cut off the innocence and kindness of children

some time ago, a girl said, "I don't have a good father", was pushed on the hot search, stinging how many people's childhood.

the girl cried aggrieved:

the child is the most thorough person in the world.

"positive discipline" tells us:

Don't compare a child to his siblings, or to anyone else, which is disrespectful and frustrating.

parents who love comparison seem to be "provocative", but they compare it over and over again, making their children feel inferior to others everywhere.

A negative attitude only nourishes negative behavior.

many parents are educating their children, and what they are good at is to fight and stimulate their children with negative content and negative emotions, hoping to get them to fight back.

it is not easy for children who finish their homework seriously, but their mother says: today the sun rises in the west, but no one wants to be urged;

when you can't do your homework, you say, "how stupid it is than a pig and a donkey;

when a child gets up and dawdles in the morning, his parents are like being possessed by Tang monks.

sarcasm, urging, nagging, labeling.

parents who can't speak are hurt when they open their mouth.

the ways in which people are most motivated and confident are often those positive words and actions.

if you make your child a "child of someone else", you should first become a "parent of someone else", use your actions to infect your child, use your positive words and positive eyes to discover your child's uniqueness, and will encourage him to let his strengths correct his shortcomings.

talking well is the best gift parents can give to their children.

06

doting has cut off the ability and modesty of their children

recently, Lao Zhang and his wife living in Chongqing may never have imagined that a pair of children brought up after years of hard work. At an age when they are supposed to enjoy the sunset, what they bring is not a return for support, but a huge debt that is overwhelmed.

both sons and daughters are healthy adults who have jobs and earn about 3000 yuan a month.

unexpectedly, in the past three years, the two children quietly owed 300000 yuan in debt, and Lao Zhang took out all his savings of 60,000 yuan, which was a drop in the bucket.

it turns out that children who used to have a low income live a life of enjoying all kinds of freedom every day. Friends eat together, and they sell bills; if they want something, they buy and buy, but their wages are not enough to spend, so they go to the online loan platform to borrow it, and the snowball gets bigger and bigger until they can't afford it.

Lao Zhang said that over the years, whether it is school or work, they have never asked their children for a penny, nor have they taken the initiative to pay money to their families, and all the expenses are paid by the old couple.

Lao Zhang is just an ordinary security guard with an income of just over 2000 yuan a month, and he can save 60,000 yuan. It is not easy to maintain the living expenses of a family of four, but overnight, the flowers come to nothing and have to take on a huge debt. The future is unknown.

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Zhu Xi of the Southern Song Dynasty once said:

when he becomes a parent, he always tries his best to become a strong backing for his children and a backing for them when they encounter difficulties.

do not realize that healthy love should be limited.

the original intention of love is encouragement and encouragement, the nourishment of sunshine, the abundance of soul, not the connivance of behavior.

doting does not love, it is more like a steel knife wrapped in the illusion of love, parents think this is "love", and children also covet this kind of "love" that they get without hard work and do not have to bear.

if you have not experienced the hardships of life, how can you know that it is not easy to make money and self-control.

parents can carry their children for the first half of their lives, but they can't fill the holes for them in the second half of their lives.

the best education begins with respect, loyalty to understanding, and love.

with regard to educating children, educator Tao Xingzhi has a particularly famous "chicken feeding theory".

he likens raising a child to raising a chicken. If you forcibly hold the chicken's head and let it eat rice, the chicken will naturally shout and refuse to eat, forcibly opening its mouth. Of course, it will struggle harder, but it will always refuse to eat.

I think so.

educate children, all strongForce, it's all disrespect.

A truly healthy education should be based on mutual respect.

parents know how to respect their children's ideas and choices.

only children who are respected will know how to respect others.

if you know how to understand the child, you will go into the child's heart.

Children understood by their parents will feel the same height as their parents, rather than "superior and subordinate" obedience;

children understood by their parents will feel that their parents regard him as a friend, rather than managing the relationship with teaching.

only when we are equal can we talk to each other.

Love is the treasure to solve all difficulties.

We often think that when we are parents, we will instinctively know how to love our children.

actually, no.

psychologist Li Xue once said, "what hurts is not love."

Love should be based on mutual comfort.

if you feel that educating your children is inadequate and exhausted, then your education is wrong.

if your child feels that being disciplined by his or her parents is something he or she wants to escape all the time, then you should reflect on what you call "love".