At 2: 00 in the morning, she posted a circle of friends that was only visible to herself: after ten years of marriage, I finally lost.

not long ago, a video went viral on Weibo:

A mother in Xi'an got up at three o'clock in the morning and crossed a distance of 2300 kilometers, just to surprise her daughter who was married to Xinjiang.

when she saw her mother's first glance, the daughter was stunned for a moment, her face filled with disbelief.

then, the two hugged each other tightly and burst into tears.

after reading it, I just feel infinitely sad.

I can't help thinking of a moments posted by my college classmates late the other night:

"if I were given another chance to choose, I would never marry far away."

the photo below is a screenshot of a refund of the ticket.

she married from the northeast to Anhui, married for many years, and went home very few times.

Last year, she finally persuaded her husband to go back to her mother's house for the Spring Festival, only to "celebrate the Spring Festival on the spot" under the epidemic, separating her from her parents.

before I could comment on a few words of consolation, I found that she had deleted the dynamic.

I can't help sighing.

perhaps, the moment you choose to go far away from home, you will be doomed to the joys and sorrows in the future, and you can only resolve them silently.

as the New year approaches, thousands of lights are flashing, and I don't know what kind of joys and sorrows are being staged in the meantime.

how are you doing when you are married to a long distance?

01

some people say that

is excluded, which is the reality of most people.

"I am most afraid of celebrating the Spring Festival in my mother-in-law's house. I am too lonely."

A long-married friend once confided to me with a wry smile.

her mother-in-law said funny things in dialect, and even though she could barely understand, she couldn't get a word in.

sitting in the middle of a group of people, he always looks like a stranger breaking in.

the occasional sound is always drowned out by the laughter of the whole family.

my friends grew up in the south and got used to light dishes. My mother-in-law is from the north and has a special preference for pasta.

Last year, New Year's Eve, the New year's dinner was all stewed in large pots and dumplings with cold noodles.

she was not used to eating, and she happened to be unwell. She went to the table with her head drooping and her chopsticks barely stretched out several times.

with the strength of the wine, my father-in-law picked up her fault half-truthfully:

"Why did you marry such a delicate young lady?"

my mother-in-law was also instantly unhappy. When a large family asked her, "do as the Romans do, why can't you change it?"

every sentence is like a knife, plunged into the heart.

but she didn't dare to attack, smiled, continued to pour tea and wine, and politely rounded the court.

it is true that thousands of miles away, the language is not the same and the habits are different. Only then do we know how big the price is for love.

many girls who are far away from marriage want to integrate into the local life circle.

because the moment I choose to marry far away, I lose all my backing.

there are only one or two bitterness that can be told to others, and most of the sufferings can only be carried by themselves.

they are afraid that the old lady in the neighborhood will look at them, and they will become what they call "local wives".

I am more afraid of all the lights, but none of them belongs to me.

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02

after marriage, my hometown has become far away. No matter how much I think of filial piety, there is nothing I can do.

you never know when your parents fell or fell ill.

because they won't tell you the bad news at all.

when you find time to cross mountains, lakes and seas to your hometown, you are powerless to grasp anything but a sigh.

the neighbor's grandmother has been married for ten years.

until her death, she and her daughter didn't see each other for the last time.

the last time mother and daughter met, it was last year.

on the Mid-Autumn Festival, there was a traffic jam. The 8-hour long distance was directly blocked for 15 hours.

the old lady, who goes to bed at nine o'clock in the evening, is still lying at the gate of the community at three o'clock in the morning.

in the cold wind, the old man only saw her daughter holding the child in her left hand and her suitcase in her right hand, running out of the darkness alone.

as to why her son-in-law was not here, she dared not ask.

on the morning of parting, the old lady, who usually thought of her daughter, only said faintly, "if it's no big deal, don't come all the way over here."

the girl burst into tears, but did not think that this departure is goodbye.

Tu Lei said: "once a woman marries far away, the way back to her mother's home will be the farthest."

before I got married, I always thought the transportation was convenient, but it was never easy.

in the middle, there are tough days, children to take care of, tickets with insufficient balances.

I have seen a video on Douyin:

at the wedding, the father huddled in the corner and cried secretly after his soon-to-be-married daughter finished her salute.

until his daughter walked out of the room, he could no longer help his emotions and chased after the child, but was stopped by his relatives and friends.

my daughter is married far away, and after that, there is only a missed time between me and myself.

how could the crying father not understand?

he knows everything, but he can only compromise for the well-being of his children.

parents have wronged themselves for the happiness of their children.

Children leave their parents for their own happiness;

if they marry far away, they are doomed to be lonely and owe their families.

what is even more terrible is that I made a mistake and married the wrong person.

03

emotion expert Tu Lei said:

"some people can cross mountains and rivers for love, no matter how far apart they are willing to follow each other for love.

but it turns out that if a woman goes far away for a man, the loss usually outweighs the gain. "

I have seen such a post on Douban, and I just feel heartbreaking.

the poster, May, chose to divorce after being married for many years.

when she got married, ten thousand people in the family disagreed with her marrying far away.

when she was young, she was always duty-bound and crazy about love.

after listening to her husband's vows when he proposed, A May got hot in his head and committed himself to a big quarrel with his parents.

just married, my husband was really obedient to her, but after she got pregnant, everything changed.

during the month, there was no one to take care of her mother-in-law.

when taking care of the children, the husband is out of sight.

after love is soaked by the haze of life, the mountain alliance becomes firewood, rice and salt, and vows become daily trivialities.

one year New Year's Eve, her husband stayed out all night playing cards and went home the next morning.

she couldn't stand the grievances, and the backlog finally collapsed and burst into tears.

the other party leans on the sofa without raising his eyelids and faintly throws the following sentence:

"the road opens to the sky, you can go wherever you like."

she trembled with anger and stamped her feet just to pack up and leave.

the moment I turned around, I froze. In such a big city with no relatives and friends, where can I go?

go home? It is tiring again, thousands of miles away.

I have been at home for many years. When I look at the balance of Alipay, I can't even buy a long-distance ticket.

for a girl who loves far away, she finally finds out that

everything in the world has an expiration date, and love is no exception.

desperate to go far away, become a man's vassal, not only do not get love, but also lose themselves.

04

someone in Zhihu asked: why not marry far away?

praise the answer from @ bowing in:

"when I suddenly want to go home to visit my parents, the work at hand does not allow me to say and go.

when I was wronged and wanted to talk to someone, I didn't have a friend who could confide in me.

when my husband and I slammed the door angrily, there was no place for me to cry. "

every girl who marries far away owes her parents, chooses to be alone and mortgages the rest of her life.

the so-called distant marriage is for the love of a man, leaving his relatives and friends and coming to live in a foreign land.

the moment I put on my wedding dress and was sent thousands of miles away by my wedding car, I actually disappeared into the world of family and friends, separating myself from the environment in which I had lived for many years.

marrying far away is a big gamble. If you lose, you will lose everything.

the daughter who was cherished by her parents eventually became someone else's wife, daughter-in-law and mother.

they are willing to take off their crystal slippers and put on their armor, but they do not know what kind of life they will face.

someone said:

so I want to tell the women who read this article that you have the right to choose your own marriage, but you are responsible for your own decision.

if you really marry far away, don't be a person with upward palms and always leave yourself a ticket to go home.

and I want men to know that

live up to the man who has traveled thousands of miles to accompany you for the rest of your life.