"Don't overestimate your relationship with anyone, remember."

some time ago, the topic # I don't bother you, you don't bother me # on the hot search.

was originally the social viewpoint of Guo Qilin and Li Xueqin, but the increasingly heated discussion among netizens has given rise to a new term-social consciousness.

"do not disturb" has become the latest social appeal.

some people will say, with our relationship, is it difficult to do a little help?

but your relationship may not be as deep as you think, and it's really hard to do a little help.

you think you are the center of the universe, and everyone should be around you, but when something happens, you only find that there are only a few people who care about you.

you think your friends should accompany you to the end of your life, but as you walk, you find that your inexorable friends will be apart.

people, never overestimate the relationship with anyone, otherwise, the most hurt is yourself.

01

everyone can only walk with you for a while

there is a saying in the movie "the Dead of Mountains and Rivers": "everyone can only accompany you for a while, and sooner or later they have to be separated."

come to think of it, director Jia Zhangke also wants to express his views.

he once told such a story.

when he was a child, he grew up with his cousin and had a deep affection. he once thought that two people who were related by blood would be so good for the rest of their lives.

but at the age of 18, he went to Beijing Film School as a director and his cousin worked in a local coal mine.

after many years, the two see each other again, and they no longer seem to have a common topic, nor will they hook up shoulder to shoulder and be brothers as they did when they were children.

can only look at each other, smile and nod.

sounds bleak, but helpless.

Mu Xin also sighed: "Childhood friends, like childhood clothes, when they grow up, they are not unwilling to wear them, but have no choice."

I don't know how many people have had such an experience: once the best best friend heard the news of her marriage from others, and the best friend met in a hurry at the reunion.

along the way of life, you will gain a lot, but you will also lose a lot.

some people can only walk away because of inconsistent pace; some people can only become passers-by of life because of the lies of time and space.

the famous Dunbar number illustrates such a truth: your interpersonal circle is limited, you can reflect up to 148 names at once, but only 20 can enter the core communication layer.

even if you have been indistinguishable from each other, even if you have been deeply in love.

but with the influx of new people, the old ones can only leave.

even if you are reluctant to give up, you can only say goodbye, and no matter how sorry you are, you can only wave goodbye.

02

too high expectations are the beginning of disappointment

some people walk away and some people fade away.

some feelings are deep in your eyes, and some feelings may just be "dispensable" indifference in his eyes.

sometimes, having high expectations of a relationship is often the beginning of your disappointment with the relationship.

when Komatsu was just working, he met his colleague Xiao Xin.

Xiao Xin is enthusiastic. Wherever she goes, she takes Komatsu, a newcomer, and always makes all kinds of "tips" to Komatsu, allowing her to avoid some routine mistakes.

Komatsu also likes this cheerful girl, and the two gradually become friends from the same office, and even rent a house together.

once, Xiao Xin had a high fever. Xiao Song hurriedly asked for leave, took Xiao Xin to see a doctor, and did his best to take care of her for several days.

Komatsu believes that good friends accompany, spoil and comfort each other when they need each other most.

but Komatsu had a bad cold and couldn't get out of bed. Xiao Xin just said "drink plenty of hot water" and hurried out.

this makes Komatsu feel bitter in his heart, thinking that his efforts have not been returned, and all his good intentions have come to naught.

A few days later, the cold was over, but Komatsu gradually estranged from Xiao Xin.

later, she and her seniors inadvertently talked about this mispaid friendship.

the elder comforted her: "Xiao Xin is actually not a bad person, and it is impossible for her to help you wholeheartedly at first, but your expectations of her are too high. Once she does not do what you think, you will be very disappointed in her."

there is a "projection effect" in psychology, which means that when we get along with others, we always hope that our enthusiasm can respond, our efforts can be rewarded, we are good to others, and he can be good to himself.

however, people's hearts are not commodities, and there is no such thing as equivalent exchange.

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instead of overestimating a relationship and waiting to get hurt, it's better to calm down, keep your distance, and give each other a break.

know how to understand each other's difficulties, so that a relationship can go further.

03

the best feelings are: love and hate at will

Zhou Guoping once said: "for interpersonal relationships, I have gradually summed up a principle, that is, mutual respect."

it is true that a comfortable relationship can be met but not sought, and a long-term relationship can be expected.

I don't know if you have a friend like that. Even if I haven't seen you for a long time, I look back and find that he is still there.

even though we were together for thousands of miles, I found that he never left when he needed it.

the blogger Alice Whale shared such a story.

when her father and Uncle Song were young, they wanted to take care of the family because of their good relationship.Anne together.

but it didn't work out. After getting married, the two were nearly 4000 kilometers apart.

the distance did not stop the two people from being close. every year ago, Uncle Song would bring his family to the fish father's house for a period of time, send a piece of bacon, and carry a bag of rice on his back.

the bacon is specially made by the pig raised by Uncle Song for a year, while the rice is harvested little by little from the rice field.

when the two old friends meet, they always recall what they experienced when they were together, and then talk about the happiness and unhappiness that have happened recently.

once, Alice Whale asked his father, "Why does Uncle Song come here every year?"

Fish Dad said, probably he misses very much. When he was young, he said he wanted to put his family together, but later he didn't succeed. His waist could not ride for a long time, so he could only let your Uncle Song run away.

this is probably the comfortable state between friends: "when you give, you don't ask for something in return, you get it without excessive greed, and you can depend on each other and be independent of each other."

indeed, when the moon gains, it loses, and when the water is full, it overflows.

A good relationship requires both affectionate hugging and letting go.

No matter how good the relationship between two people is, they can't be alone with each other; no matter how deep their friendship is, they can never be separated.

the best relationship is actually closeness and closeness, love and hate at will, gathering is a mass of fire, scattered is full of stars.

after all, what's wrong with being thousands of miles apart if the heart is there?

what if the heart is not there, so what if you don't leave?

04

in the journey of life, we will meet all kinds of people.

some people hit it off at first sight, but drifted away because of the sawing of time and space; some people were full of expectations, but ended up disappointed again and again.

Don't invite too many people into your life, and don't overestimate your relationship with anyone.

the best relationship is half dependent, half let go, closeness and closeness, and love and hate at will.