Familiarity is not out of line, is a kind of top self-cultivation

once read a passage:

in fact, no matter how good the relationship between people is, you should hold it.

if you shouldn't talk about it, don't talk about it, don't ask for things, don't ask, don't intervene, don't exceed or overstep.

01

Don't go too far

expose each other's private and short points

Xu you used to be Yuan Shao's counselor in the Romance of the three Kingdoms, but later he went to his old friend Cao Cao. Because of his advice, Cao Jun robbed the grain Wu Nest and flooded Jizhou.

but when Cao Cao knelt down and entered the city gate, Xu you drank wine and shouted at the city gate. Cao Cao's nickname, Cao Amian, asked for credit and said, "how could you get through this gate without me?"

at that time, Cao Cao was impolite to himself in the face of his rude remarks, even in public. In fact, he was very unhappy, but he didn't show it.

then when Xu you was riding with a group of generals, Xu you said to the crowd, "Don't look at how proud and prestigious Cao Amian is today. I was fooling around with me at that time. When we were kids, we did things like sneaking around, gambling and cheating money.

he was reminded not to talk nonsense and be careful to spread it to the ears of the prime minister, but he relied on his acquaintance with Cao Cao, thinking that everyone was afraid of him, so his head was beheaded by Cao Cao's subordinate Xu Jing.

in fact, no matter how good the relationship is, you should not speak unscrupulously.

Zhu Yuanzhang used to be an ordinary farmer. when he was a child, his family was very poor. when he was at his worst, he met a group of poor companions. they depended on each other and had something to eat together, but not to starve together.

but later, after he became emperor, one of his childhood playmates came to the palace to see him. Zhu Yuanzhang was happy to summon him, but he did not expect that as soon as he entered the palace, he not only did not salute, but also called Zhu Yuanzhang's nickname "Zhu Chongba".

at that time, Zhu Yuanzhang did not blame him, but he continued to talk in court about Zhu Yuanzhang's childhood when he was so hungry that he almost choked to death on potatoes, which made Zhu Yuanzhang very angry and finally found an excuse to kill him.

in fact, no matter how good the relationship is, you should not speak without fear or choose your words.

there is a saying:

Don't lose the other person's dignity just because you have a good relationship. Don't hurt each other's face just because you have a good relationship.

once you lose the courtesy and respect you should have, you will not only lose friends, but also cause unnecessary trouble and disaster to yourself.

02

Don't go too far

embarrass and embarrass each other

I wonder if you find that

We always treat each other too much as one of our own because of a good relationship. We also regard our own affairs too much as other people's business and our own troubles as each other's troubles.

No matter how good a relationship is, you should have limits and boundaries. You can't touch each other's bottom line at will, and you can't always embarrass each other.

there is a story.

one day Confucius went out and it was going to rain, but he didn't bring an umbrella, so someone suggested that Zi Xia had it and borrowed it from Zi Xia.

Confucius heard that he could not. Zi Xia was rather stingy. If he did not give it to me if I borrowed it, others would think that he did not respect his teachers. If he gave it to me, he would definitely feel sorry for him.

in fact, no matter how good the relationship is, don't embarrass others, let alone force others to do things they don't want to do.

there is another story.

Hu Shi was undoubtedly a popular figure in the Chinese literary world in the first half of the 20th century.

as we all know, Hu Shi's wife Jiang Dongxiu likes to play mahjong. When they live in the dormitory of the research institute, Jiang Dongxiu often violates the dormitory rules in order to play mahjong.

Hu Shi had to move out with her after repeated persuasion.

many people were puzzled and asked Hu Shi, "the dean is your student, and playing mahjong is not a big deal. Are you polite to him?"

Hu Shi replied, "it is precisely because he is my student that I cannot put him in a dilemma."

in fact, no matter how good the relationship is, don't always consume others, let alone put them in a dilemma.

maybe we all have this experience:

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in life, we always have a good relationship, do our own things, and embarrass each other.

in fact, at any time, we should consider each other's feelings, take into account each other's situation, and be considerate of each other's difficulties.

there is a saying: "do not do to others what you do not want to do to others."

if the other person doesn't want to do something, don't force it. If the other party is not easy to help, don't force it.

only when you learn to respect others will others respect you. Only when you learn to understand others will others understand you. Only by cherishing each other can we make the relationship more comfortable and lasting.

03

Don't interfere too much in other people's choices and decisions

many times, we always make a mistake:

always think that the relationship is good, so we meddle in other people's affairs, make choices for others, and interfere with other people's decisions at will.

in fact, people are not intimate with each other. Only when you keep the boundaries you should have, can you avoid offending and offending others.

in the Outlaws of the Marsh, Song Jiang has always been a loyal man, not only persuading people with virtue, wide connections and broad ways, but also deeply supported and supported by the heroes of Liang Shanbo.

but his biggest failure in life was to impose his idea of peace on others, and even tried to persuade all his brothers to submit to the court with him.

when Song Jiang sang that the King of Heaven issued an edict to greet him, Li Kui scolded him in order to vent his discontent. As soon as Song Jiang listened, he immediately orderedLi Kui's head was chopped off around, but was stopped by everyone.

in the early morning of the next day, Li Kui was escorted to the hall. Song Jiang said to Li Kui, "if so many of my men are as rude as you, it will not be a mess. For the sake of all the brothers, you will keep your head on your neck first, and then you will not be spared."

although Li Kui was too scared to say anything more, everyone was concerned when they heard this, because they didn't want to make peace at all, and even came up with the idea of breaking up.

maybe Song Jiang was well-intentioned and hoped that everyone would join him in getting rid of the charge of grass bandits, but he didn't know that other people didn't care about this false name at all.

especially when Song Jiang advised Lu Zhishen to return to vulgarity as an official and glorify his ancestors, Lu Zhishen said that his heart had turned to dust and he did not want to be an official. He only wanted to find a clean place and settle down.

Song Jiang advised him again that if he refused to be an official, he would abode a famous mountain and show his patriarchal style, but Lu Zhishen refused to say, "nothing, no more is useless."

maybe Song Jiang was motivated by Lu Zhishen's good intentions, but he didn't know that not everyone, like him, pinned his life's hopes on being an official.

in fact, everyone is an individual.

sometimes, what you are trying to pursue is not necessarily what others desire. Sometimes, what you are eager to get is not necessarily what others want.

so, no matter how good the relationship is, don't over-interfere and force others, and don't impose your life blueprints and ideas on others.

04

there is a saying:

there are many times when we think we have a good relationship, so we can have no scruples.

you can say things that hurt each other, do things that are difficult for each other, and make unwanted choices and decisions for others.

in fact, in interpersonal communication, there should be taboos, principles and boundaries.

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