Get rid of a child, just keep talking about him, talking about him, talking about him.

early on the weekend morning, the corridor is filled with the noise of a mother yelling at her child:

"what's the matter with you?" How many times have I told you to eat quickly! "

"Don't you hurry to do your homework? Do you think it's empty today? "

"playing again! What are you talking about? Believe me or not, I beat you. "

ever since the mother opened her mouth, she has been complaining, urging, and caring for her children all morning.

when I was disturbed early in the morning, I felt a little unhappy, but then I understood the mother. If she wasn't at her wit's end, how could she keep talking?

however, what is more distressing is that the child, how helpless and hurt he should be when he lives in the intensive babbling of his mother for a long time.

01

talkative parents

cannot raise "obedient" children

"parents nag when children are disobedient". This is the consensus reached by many parents when they talk about education, and through nagging parents, you can always find children who are "disobedient" standing behind.

obviously for the good of the child, you can say it a thousand times and ten thousand times. Why don't the child rest assured of his parents' advice?

most of the time, parents only think that their demands have not been answered ideally, but forget to think differently: what is the child thinking when he is nagging in the face of his parents?

there is a video of a 5-year-old boy calling the police online, which is ironic about the reason: the boy's mother, after nagging her child for 50 minutes, pissed herself off.

when he saw the police, the child was very aggrieved. He cried, "I don't even know what my mother is angry about."

the police inspired the child: "did you do something to make your mother angry today?"

the child tried to remember while crying. "I like to eat soup and rice, but I didn't eat soup and rice today," he said. "I just ate there without saying a word."

for some reason, his mother nagged for 50 minutes alone, then ran away from home angrily, leaving him alone, not knowing what to do.

speaking of which, the child cried loudly.

through the child's answer, it is not difficult to find that the mother sang the sad "monologue" alone for 50 minutes, while the children outside the play did not listen to a word at all.

if the child is too young to explain his or her psychology, then House's giggling and complaining about being nagged by his mother at the talk show may restore the helplessness of every child who is nagged.

House said that his parents nagged him a lot in life, but he didn't listen to him once. He seemed to have the ability to mute everything he didn't want to hear with a remote control.

House's speech won bursts of applause, but how enthusiastic the applause was, it shows how helpless it was.

how many children struggle in silent resistance, unable to bear the continuous flow of verbal information, can only build a barrier in the psychological walls, refuse to interfere.

there is a "out-of-limit effect" in psychology, which means that when a person stimulates too much, too strong, or acts for too long, it will cause psychological impatience or rebellion, and the final effect will only backfire.

the more nagging, the weaker the effectiveness.

nagging is not malicious, but it is a bad habit. It is like a dull knife that cuts a child with a knife.

there seems to be no wound, but with far-reaching years, it will continue to inhibit the child's growth, accompanied by the child's curiosity, desire for exploration, and judgment.

English poet Milton said in Paradise lost:

if parents want to keep their children's ears, parents should really think: how can it be effective? What is it that children like to hear?

02

how terrible is the lethality of language?

if nagging is a dense needle that leaves a child riddled with holes, then scolding is a dreary stick that forces the child to rise up and even sacrifice his life.

Wang Jiale, a 14-year-old junior high school student in Chengdu, left a suicide note saying: language violence really hurts.

then he shouted "Mom I love you" and jumped from the 14th floor to end his childish life.

words can arouse a person's fighting spirit, and words can also destroy a person's life.

nowadays, fewer and fewer children are educated with sticks, but there are countless parents who can commit verbal violence.

few parents pay attention to the way they talk to their children, but those blurting abuse, sarcasm and ridicule can really hurt their children.

how terrible is the lethality of language?

Ikea in the United Arab Emirates once did a strange experiment.

the experimenters put two pots of plants in the same school with a cover, watering the same water, applying the same fertilizer, and basking in the same sun.

it's just that two plants will accept different treatment from children: one plant will receive the child's praise every day, while the other plant needs to listen to the child's insults every day.

after the 30-day experiment, the plant bathed in love and encouragement still thrives, while the plant attacked by verbal violence is on the verge of withering and yellowing.

even plants can be destroyed by the influence of language, let alone children.

according to statistics, every year, about 246 million children and teenagers suffer from language violence and bullying, language violence, more often from close relatives.

Adele Farber, a famous American children's scientist, said:

you should knowAt an age when children know nothing, their parents' words are equal to the truth.

every word and deed of parents, and even an expression, will exert an imperceptible influence on the character of their children.

language violence does not attack the body but attacks the heart, and that sharp word is like a poisonous knife that can ruin a child's life.

despite the depth of love and responsibility, there are almost no parents in the world who do not love their children.

but a child is like a seedling. In the process of growing up, he needs to be protected by his parents. Don't let the storm of words break his waist first.

03

teaching by example is the highest level of education.

there is a saying that

educate children with actions, first of all, ask parents to stop their temper.

teacher Yin Jianli, an education expert, said:

in "the most Beautiful Education and the simplest", teacher Yin Jianli once mentioned such a typical case:

there was a mother in the fifth grade. Due to relatively strict requirements on her son, resulting in frequent conflicts between mother and son.

although mothers try not to do it, quarrels with their children become frequent, and contradictions are often nothing more than: children are careless, quick-tempered in case of trouble, and never admit mistakes.

once, a child left his exercise book at home and called his mother for help.

the mother worked hard to get to school to see her off, thinking of seizing the opportunity to teach her child a lesson, but before the mother could say a few words, the child impatiently waved and yelled at her mother, "you can go back!"

in the end, the child didn't say a word of thanks, but he was still rejected by the child. Mother was so angry about it that she couldn't fight with her.

the next day, the child forgot to bring the form and called his mother to send it again.

this time, my mother's temper came up. She hung up and refused to send it off again.

soon, however, the mother received a call from the teacher saying that her child was the only one in the class. There was nothing my mother could do. She took the form and had to go to school again.

the moment she came to the school gate, the mother suddenly felt that she did not have the courage to face the teacher. At this moment, she felt sorry for her son: he was the only one in the class who forgot to bring the form. How embarrassing was the child this morning?

the moment she saw her son, the mother was unusually angry and did not blame her.

she handed the form to her son and the kettle to her son, and said kindly to her son, "I forgot the kettle, too. Have you been thirsty without water all morning?"

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the next scene surprised the mother, and the child showed a surprised expression. After confirming that his mother was really not angry, he suddenly burst into tears, bowed his head at a loss and whispered, "Mom, I made you run again."... "

the mother heard the apology in the child's words, and on the way home, she felt more happy than ever before:

most of the time, the confrontation between temper and temper, just like the two sides of the tug-of-war, if you want each other to stop holding on, then the best way is to let go of the rope.

after the results of restraining her temper, the parent began to restrain herself. Gradually, she found that her temper became less and less, and her children became more and more sensible.

in the process of educating children, bad temper is the sworn enemy.

Psychological studies have found that

in many cases, the present moment of restraint can be uncomfortable, but practicing control can give people control.

educating children with action and teaching without teaching is the highest education.

No one in this world can be perfect, but if parents can make their children see the goodwill of the world through themselves, it will make their children's life more possible.

I hope we can all have one less sermon and one more action.

Let parents themselves become the best educational scenery in the eyes of their children, looking forward to more possibilities and miracles in their children's lives.