I used to be afraid you didn't like me.

Wen /Tongc

different circles

there is no need to blend

\ "

about" countercurrent ". I think of the theme of TEDxXichenglou, the book" sadness turns into a river "written by Guo Jingming under the drawer in the second year of junior high school, and the book" going up against the current "that my father used to say to me in primary school.

Today, write against the current and tell stories, the mediocre and humble me, us.

there is a term "toilet bento" in Japanese campus culture, which refers to a group of people who are not sociable or are not accepted as classmates on campus. For fear of being seen eating alone in the classroom or canteen, they take the bento to the school and hide in the toilet in advance. During the summer vacation, I watched a Japanese TV series about the story caused by cold violence on campus, in which the hostess eating in the toilet was found by the girls who had been directed against her, and the matter was spread to all grades of the school. under the pressure of cold violence and family discord in the school, the hostess attributed all the reasons to her unpopularity and lack of good grades, so she was isolated and let her parents quarrel and worry, and finally committed suicide.

you see, the greatest pressure of being isolated comes from inferiority, because if you are disapproved and vilified by others, you will really feel that you are so unworthy of all the good things.

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C used to spend three years in an aristocratic school, and her classmates there, in her words, "either the second generation of government officials or the second generation of rich, no one cares about money, because the family gives them enough pocket money without embarrassment." no one does not use imported school supplies, and no one does not wear famous-brand sneakers, except C, because she has always lived in an ordinary circle. Her parents had a lot of business capital, but they never got her into the habit of spending a lot of money, and because of this, she never integrated into the circle of friends of those people, because it was impossible for her to spend hundreds of yuan on a meal and wear shoes worth thousands of yuan. Buy stationery worth more than dozens of yuan. So, simply and rudely, she is slowly inferiority complex, learning to use vanity to make up for the lack in the circle of friends, trying to integrate, but there are always some things that cannot be forced. C is still ostracized. Why? In a party performance, the dance program arranged in the class was about a dozen girls dancing together. C was originally on the list, but during the rehearsal, a "big sister" from a class came up to her and said, "Why don't you come tomorrow?" I still remember C said that when she saw the end of the show, the girls whispered, "she usually doesn't play with us anyway." seeing that girl's eyes were disgusted. Is to avoid it.

on the night of the performance, the girls in the class wore uniform canvas shoes. I still remember that they were a pair of red leather shoes that she could not afford. I don't know if the color was too bright and bright, or because the shoes were something C followed but could not afford, or because they were worn on the group of people who rejected her. Anyway, C remembered them swaying on the stage in red shoes. She bowed her head and snapped her fingers below. I always feel a little embarrassed.

Why there are so many details so clear, because C is me, this is what I always had on my mind, until I went to high school and college, and the bright spots on my body were constantly discovered by the opportunities given by others. I forgave the rejection and dislike of that year, as well as my inferiority complex.

people are used to downstream, right-handed, cooked food, and

all unwritten rules.

but there happens to be a countercurrent force.

is me, us, who is not accepted at some point.

I have also suffered cold violence on campus. That incident is only a small microcosm of those years. I think I am a tiny piece of sand in those circles that can not blend in. They are a powerful current, consistent pace and inherent conditions, and I am out of place. I was humble at that time. I was a gravel that could not be approached by others, and there was no diamond light and dazzling. Can only become a small group of only their own strength, that is, against the current. Can not say that this countercurrent has given him any strength, can only say that the countercurrent has no way to turn into a downstream, had to always, a person.

my brother once became a new class jumper because he transferred to another school in the fourth grade of primary school. a picture of five or six boys under a big tree in the park was taken during the class spring outing that year. On the left are several boys except my brother, who lean forward with brilliant faces, shoulders and shoulders, showing signs of harmony, while on the right side of the photo It is my brother wearing a thick denim coat, fat and bulky, with a shy smile on his face and a lack of height, making him look like a chubby bear in the picture. I don't know why I feel a little sad every time I see this picture. I seem to feel that there is a sharp contrast between the left and right sides of the picture, a group, and a boy who is independent on one side. It was not until two months ago that my brother mentioned that in primary school, because he was a new student and was not good at words, he was always bullied by other boys after class, and no one was willing to play with him. He said, "at that time, I was always ostracized by others." when I heard this, I turned my back and wiped the corners of my eyes.

the phrase "different circles, no need to blend in" took me a long time to understand, because later I became a less ordinary girl without any shining points, and I had a lot of things I didn't dare to think about before. I understand that when I have enough capital, there is no need to "pretend to fit in", or there is no spare time and emotion to connect with a group of people to play "fluent". Even if we have time and energy, we are not willing to put our precious resources on useless social activities, not to become withdrawn, but when we are in the habit of "countercurrent" and when everything comes because of strength, we do not need to become or join the "downstream".

I am stillWill be distressed, will also support the "countercurrent", not only those who are out of place, but also those who are doing things that others find impractical, those who regard hip-hop as a profession, those who put money and energy on tattoo culture, those who give up their studies to join the team, their operating interests are not supported, sowhat, that is your own business, don't care too much about others.

share a small countercurrent in my growth.

May you and I become more and more angular in the future.

the author introduces

Tong c

many years have passed in the blink of an eye. I am 18 years old

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