The four realms of life: do not speak when angry, do not fight when annoyed, do not lose when defeated

Mr. Jin Yong said, "Love is too deep for longevity."

means that indulging emotions is tantamount to consuming one's own life.

everyone has seven emotions and six desires. If you don't control it, your anger, resentment, grievance, and anxiety will breed more negative energy, engulf your positive energy, make you lose your mind and lose your life.

truly smart people are often able to manage their emotions well, so that they can keep quiet when they are angry, do not argue when they are annoyed, do not lose when they are defeated, and do not make up their mind when they are in chaos.

01

means that when you are angry, most of the words you say are inappropriate.

but the speaker is careless and the listener is intentional. If you are not careful, your angry words will become a sharp knife and sting the person you care about.

so give yourself three minutes to calm down, organize your thoughts, and think twice before you act.

A classic story is recorded in Lu's Spring and Autumn period.

when Confucius and his disciples traveled around the world, they did not eat for several days, and everyone was extremely hungry.

Yan Hui finally found some rice, but when the rice was almost cooked, Confucius saw him stealing it.

Confucius was very angry, but pretended not to see it and left silently.

when Yan Hui served the meal to Confucius, Confucius said, "I want to sacrifice this rice to my ancestors first."

Yan Hui repeatedly refused: "just when I was cooking, I lost some ash on the beam. I thought it was a pity to throw it away, so I ate it and could not use it for sacrifice."

when we are angry, we tend to think one-sidedly, but if we speak angrily, we will only regret afterwards.

if it's too difficult to control your emotions, you might as well take a step back and, like Confucius, don't talk.

Lin Yutang said, "when you are angry, it is better to say less than one more. It is even better to have one person who does not say it."

not to say that it is not cold violence, nor to avoid problems, but to resist temper with silence and calm yourself down.

Don't say anything when you are angry, time will give you a clear head, so that you can face up to and restore the whole thing without hurting others or yourself.

02

do not argue when annoyed

Liang Shiqiu said: "when the blood gas is boiling, the reason is not very clear, words and deeds are easy to exceed points, and it is not suitable for others or for themselves."

in our lives, we may also encounter people who offend us, and then get angry and get angry.

even, you have to fight for your head before you are willing to give up. In the end, the loss often outweighs the gain.

in the Outlaws of the Marsh, Yang Zhi was driven out of the house by Gao Tai Shuai, so he had no choice but to peddle his ancestral treasure knife on the street.

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who knows that bully Niu er deliberately cheats on him, making things difficult for him and trying to snatch it.

Yang Zhi could have ignored it, sold the knife and turned around and left.

but in a moment of exasperation, he had to fight for a breath. the fire started from the heart, became angry with courage, and killed Niu er with a knife.

as a result, I also went to prison and was sent to the army.

and a generation of famous general Han Xin was also provoked in public by splashy scoundrels, but he was able to endure the humiliation of his crotch, did not fight for morale, and ended up in history.

Lin Yutang once wrote: "if you don't argue, it's a big argument." If there is no dispute, there will be no dispute among people all over the world. "

the heart is an inch wide and the road is one foot wide. To be a man, to win is to restrain, and to lose is to lose temper.

High-level people tend to be able to control their temper well, not to be blinded by temporary anger, to stay awake all the time, not to make senseless arguments, and not to let themselves get deeper and deeper.

when you are angry, it doesn't matter to say to yourself, no dispute is the real big pattern.

03

I have heard of a golden cicada law.

there is a kind of cicada that must first live in the dark underground for 17 years, endure dark loneliness and waiting, and grow up slowly on the sap of the roots.

then one day in summer, quietly climb to the branch, overnight transformed into cicada, when the sun rises, it can soar into the sky.

without the accumulated strength and positive patience of the previous 16 years, we would never have seen its earth-shaking counterattack.

the Book of changes says: "qu into all things without leaving behind."

all things in heaven and earth are twists and turns, and so is life. There are few overnight successes in the world. Failures and setbacks are the norm.

sometimes try your best, the result is still not satisfactory, but you must not be discouraged, only can bear the loneliness in front of you. To wait for the prosperity of the future.

it's like a farmer sowing seeds. From ploughing in spring to harvesting in summer and storing in winter, you may encounter droughts and floods, but only by actively dealing with them can you reap fruitful results.

Don't be blinded by temporary failure. Those who stand on the top of the mountain are all surprised by the accumulated efforts they have made and survived countless failures and hardships.

04

when there is chaos, it is said in the Analects of Confucius: "when things are slow, they are round, and when things are urgent, they are chaotic."

the best way to solve the problem is to slow things down, not to act recklessly, not to make random decisions.

if you are indiscriminate and emotional when you are upset, it is easy to make decisions that you regret.

I have seen a story of a teapot hanging from a tree.

A man accidentally got a precious purple sand teapot, for fear of being stolen, he even put it at the head of the bed when he slept.

one night, he accidentally knocked the lid of the purple teapot to the ground.When he woke up, he was both distressed and annoyed, thinking that the lid must be broken, so he threw the teapot out of the window.

who knows, when he got up the next day and saw the lid fall intact on the cotton-padded shoes, he wanted to cry without tears. Thinking about the teapot thrown out of the window, he was so angry that he smashed the lid.

but when I went out, I looked up and saw the teapot hanging well on the branch.

the world is unpredictable. God gave him two chances to save it, but he lost his beloved teapot because of emotion.

there is a good saying: "those who are restless will accomplish nothing; those who are calm and calm will gather themselves."

it is not easy to make decisions when you are upset, which is not only a kind of reason, but also a pattern.

when you have a problem and feel restless, you might as well hang things out and put away your angry heart. maybe when you let go calmly, things will have a happy ending.

emotions are instinctive, good and bad, but people who can't manage their own bad emotions can hardly have a happy life, because in the end, you have to pay for all your bad emotions.

your luck will come only if you can control your emotions and mindset instead of being enslaved by them.

May you have the self-cultivation to keep quiet in times of anger, wisdom in times of annoyance, mindfulness in times of defeat, indecisive reason in times of chaos, leading life and winning life.