The mother is spoiled, the father is respected, and the child is accepted is the appearance of a happy family.

I see a question in Zhihu: what is a happy family like?

there is a highly praised answer, which is impressive.

unhappy families are unhappy in their own way, while happy families have many similarities. In a happy family, mothers are spoiled, fathers are respected, and children are accepted.

A spoiled woman will be radiant and warm;

A respected man will be energetic and refreshed;  an accepted child will be more optimistic and confident.

I have to sigh that this is what a happy family should do.

01

"the warmth of my family is all because my mother is spoiled."

Hong Lan, PhD in psychology in Taiwan, once said in his TED speech: mother is the soul of the family, mother is happy and the whole family is happy, mother is anxious and the whole family is anxious.

what is the relationship between the child and the mother? The umbilical cord is cut, the subconscious is completely connected, and the mother's emotions are passed on directly to the child.

Mom's mood determines the warmth of a home. The warmth of a family often depends on the degree to which the mother is spoiled.

an unspoiled mother is nothing to her husband.

the more disgusted the father is, the more irritable the mother is, and the worse the family is.

I saw a video of a psychiatrist talking to a couple, and it was very sad.

"I am a professional manager and my wife does not have a job." the man answered the doctor's question proudly.

and when it comes to her wife, she looks disgusted and hideous, stressing that "it's because she doesn't have a job." she has been busy from 5 a.m. to 12:00 in the evening.

then a middle-aged woman appeared on the screen with a sallow complexion and dark eyes. "I am a full-time wife and I work 24 hours a day."

in front of different people, she plays different roles, wife, mother, daughter, wife.

at different times, she takes on different jobs: alarm clock, cook, teacher, maid, nurse, cleaning.

however, it turns around day and night in exchange for the phrase "she doesn't have a job".

how can a mother who has not been nurtured by love feel happy and happy at all?

lacking a spoiled mother, she can only show her apathy and irritability. On the other hand, the spoiled mother is gentle, warm and smiling.

in the TV series "Love for you is really beautiful", Wang Xiaomi's mother Luo Qing was spoiled by her father.

two people have been married for more than 20 years. Luo Qing has never cooked a meal or washed a bowl. Even his daughter Wang Xiaomi could not watch it any longer, but her father said that his wife was not spoiled and who should be spoiled.

all wise men know that spoiling their wives is the most profitable investment in the world.

when the mother is spoiled and naturally happy, she will have a stable mood, give back to the family, be gentle to the children, be family and beautiful.

they seldom feel aggrieved, seldom complain, and can face them positively even if they encounter difficulties.

02

"the harmony of my family comes from the respect of my father."

of course, when my mother is spoiled, it is often the time when my father gets more respect.

not long ago, it was the fifth wedding anniversary of Yuan Hong and Zhang Xianyi. Yuan Hong posted on Weibo that

in their marriage, we saw Zhang Xianyi being spoiled as a girl. and behind their happiness, there is also Zhang Heiyi's respect for Yuan Hong.

she never loses face to her husband, but defends and encourages him everywhere:

even if Yuan Hong's food is not very good, she will eat happily and praise her husband's craftsmanship;

although she doesn't like her husband riding a motorcycle, she still gives his favorite helmet on his birthday.

when others ask about her husband's advantages, she can casually say ten things: gentleness, filial piety, sunshine, and so on.

in even the interview, the host asked Yuan Hong how much he had as a husband and father. Zhang Xianyi replied without hesitation: "then I must give him a perfect score of 10. I have the pleasure of meeting you, Lao Yuan."

with Zhang Xianyi's encouragement and respect, Yuan Hong has received more doting and love.

in a family, when men are respected, they are more motivated to share housework, love their wives, accompany their children, and maintain family harmony.

however, the fact that dad is not respected is a different picture.

Chen Ting, the mother of Lingxiao in the hit TV series "in the name of the Family", yearns for a rich and comfortable life, but she can't get it. As a result, he put all the responsibility on the husband.

she complained that her husband could not give her the life she wanted, and her husband, who was not respected, began to blame his wife, and the two quarreled constantly every day.

in a family, if the father is not respected, the family that should be happy and harmonious will lead a messy life.

not only that, children will also be affected, there are many personality problems.

in a family, the role of the father is weakened, and the child will become unconfident and even reticent, making the family lose the flavor of home.

03

accepting the true appearance of children is a compulsory course for parents all over the world

in the book "deviating from kinship" written by Andrew Solomon, the family lives of more than 300 "abnormal" children are recorded.

among them was a hearing-impaired girl, Miriam, which impressed me.

she wants to learn sign language, but she can't because her parents can't accept the fact that she can't hear.

sign language is banned at home. "if Miriam uses sign language, we'll break her hand."

parents startIn the end, she thought that she should live like a normal child. And Miriam, even if she works hard, can't talk like a normal person.

in this way, Miriam and her parents were deadlocked for decades. Slowly, the gap deepened and the parent-child relationship became as cold as ice.

Rogers, the master of psychology, said: "Love is deep understanding and acceptance."

however, many parents just can't accept their children as they really are.

the children who are not accepted have become an isolated island, and they have exhausted their enthusiasm in the constant confrontation.

only children who are accepted can grow up healthily and happily and bring their own light.

Psychological research shows that the two most important needs of children in childhood are the sense of belonging and the sense of value.

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if children want to have a sense of belonging from their parents, they are accepted and valued in the family.

Xiao S says that her youngest daughter, who has fallen in love with a perm for some time, spends a lot of time studying it every day.

although she knew that her daughter's wish was not in line with her actual age, and she hesitated, she finally decided to take her daughter to get a perm when she saw her wistful eyes.

the result was teased by Xiao S like the lead singer of the rock troupe in the 1970s, but this did not affect the daughter's happiness, because this is what the daughter likes.

Xiao S is not opposed to cracking down on children, but is willing to accept their hobbies and let them follow their heart and bravely do what they like.

with the understanding and acceptance of their parents, children can enjoy what they like and fly higher and higher in the direction they want.

A child who is unconditionally accepted by his parents is like a source of living water, constantly nourishing himself, can release himself, bloom himself, and become a successful and happy person.

at some point, parents will find that in the process of acceptance, their children not only live out of themselves, but also learn to accept and be happy.

the family will be happier when children grow up healthily in love.

04

A happy family is just a "collusion" of the whole family

psychologists believe that every preference has a price, and parents and children form a "collusion": parents pay while expecting, and children find ways to meet that expectation in order to get love and attention.

in fact, a happy family is also the "collusion" of parents and children, in which both husband and wife conspire to dote on and respect.

and in such a warm and harmonious family, parents are more receptive to their children, help them become themselves, and become better themselves.

as parents, we should really accept our children and create a warm and happy family.

May every mother be spoiled and every father respected; may every child become better as a result of acceptance and look like a happy family.